Unlock the Power of Negotiation: Lessons from FBI Negotiator Chris Voss
Negotiation is a part of daily life. Whether you're asking for a raise, resolving a disagreement, or working with a team, knowing how to negotiate well can make a huge difference. Chris Voss, a former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, shares practical and powerful techniques in his book Never Split the Difference. These strategies come from years of handling life-or-death situations — and they work just as well in everyday conversations.
Tactical Empathy: The Core Skill
Tactical empathy means understanding how someone feels and showing them that you understand. It’s not about agreeing, but about listening deeply. When people feel heard, they trust you more and become more open to your ideas.
Key Techniques You Can Use
1. Mirroring
Repeat the last few words the other person said. It encourages them to keep talking and helps build connection. Example: “This is taking too long.” → “Taking too long?”
2. Labeling Emotions
Say things like “Sounds like you’re upset” or “Seems like this is important.” Labeling helps people calm down and feel understood.
3. Slow It Down
Silence is powerful. Don’t rush. Give people time to speak and think. This builds trust.
4. Use a Positive Tone
Speak in a calm and friendly way. A positive tone helps reduce tension and invites cooperation.
5. Embrace “No”
Let the other person say “no.” It makes them feel safe and in control. That opens the door to better communication.
6. Ask Calibrated Questions
Ask questions that begin with “how” or “what.” For example: “How can we fix this?” These questions make people think and share more.
7. Aim for “That’s Right”
When someone says “that’s right,” it means they fully agree with you. It shows you’ve understood their view—and that builds trust fast.
8. Don’t Split the Difference
Compromise isn’t always good. Meeting halfway can create bad outcomes. Instead, explore creative solutions that benefit everyone.
9. The Ackerman Model
This is a smart way to negotiate a price:
- Set your target price
- Make offers in steps: 65%, 85%, 95%, then 100%
- Use specific (non-round) numbers
- Add a small bonus item at the end to make it feel final
10. Look for Black Swans
Black Swans are hidden facts that can change everything. You can discover them by listening carefully and asking the right questions.
11. Understand Their “Religion”
Learn what truly matters to the other person—their values, beliefs, and motivations. It helps you communicate in a way that speaks to their heart.
Negotiation = Leadership
Good negotiation is also good leadership. Listening, understanding, and guiding others are skills that help in all areas of life—whether you're leading a team or raising a family.
Keep Practicing
Negotiation is a skill that anyone can learn. Like sports or music, the more you practice, the better you get. Chris Voss’s book Never Split the Difference is a great place to start.
Final Thoughts
Every conversation is a chance to negotiate. By using empathy, deep listening, and smart questions, you can create better outcomes, build stronger relationships, and gain more confidence in all areas of life.